(2001-06-07) --The New York Times
By Susan Saulny

When Stephanie Krill became engaged last year, she knew exactly what kind of wedding she wanted: a traditional ceremony under a gazebo surrounded by blossoms, blessed by a Roman Catholic priest.

She found the perfect place and booked it. She found the perfect dress and bought it. Then came the hard part: finding the priest. Of the few who were available, not one was willing to marry her outdoors because the church discourages wedding ceremonies outside church buildings.

Nonetheless, Ms. Krill eventually became Mrs. DiMaulo, her vows professed before a Father George, who arrived in flowing purple vestments to deliver the wedding she wanted, regardless of the rules. He could do this because he did not come from her parish in Bogota, N.J. He was not beholden to a bishop. Although the church does not recognize such weddings, the state does.

The DiMaulos found Father George on the Internet. He was advertised on a Web site that some consider horribly irreverent, others a stroke of genius. The site is called www.rentapriest.com. There, ordained men who have chosen to separate from the church, most to be married themselves, are organized state by state on "God's Yellow Pages Online."

The site tells visitors to "locate a married Roman Catholic priest by clicking on your state!"

The site was founded by Louise Haggett, 59, of Framingham, Mass., who described herself as a "pay, pray and obey" Catholic until 10 years ago, when she had difficulty finding someone to give her mother last rites.

Today, 300 men are listed on the Web site, and there are more than 2,500 available for referrals in her database, Ms. Haggett said. In New York and New Jersey, 28 men are listed, some of whom say they are incredibly busy, especially during the summer wedding season.

Although the priests are available for a variety of ceremonies, the demand is greatest for the marriage ministry. One priest in Manhattan is scheduled for 18 weddings this month alone. There is no set fee for a wedding, and some priests refuse to take any money at all, while others ask for $250 to $300.

In many ways, the success of the site is not surprising, given the fractured nature of the Catholic Church in America. Dissent over doctrinal issues concerning things like celibacy and the role of women has driven men from the priesthood and alienated segments of the country's 60 million Catholics.

So many of them, like Mrs. DiMaulo, turn to the Web site with a real devoutness about their Catholicism, but also with a sense of disconnection from the church and a willingness to live with its official disapproval. For others, it is simply a practical matter, as the nationwide shortage of priests worsens.

"We do it because there's a need for it," said Jack W. Hauck, 68, now an addiction counselor, who was ordained in 1960, married in 1973, and is listed on Rent a Priest under Albany. "I say Mass on a regular basis, would hear confessions in Troy, have worked in a hospital giving dying patients absolution. Not a day goes by that I don't think about being a priest. When I dream, I'm a priest. I'm married, but I'm a priest."

The Catholic Church could not disagree more. Even though canon law makes it impossible to unordain a priest, the authority of a bishop is required for priests to administer sacraments. In other words, a marriage performed by a priest who has left the church is not valid in the eyes of the church. The same is true for baptisms, the anointing of the sick, absolutions and Masses.

That reality makes the decision to turn to an organization like Rent a Priest a serious statement for some Catholics, one with moral and spiritual implications. For example, according to the church's stance, a Catholic couple married by a priest outside the church would technically be living in sin.

"The bottom line is that they're operating outside the umbrella of the church," said the Rev. Thomas P. Nydegger, the vice rector at Immaculate Conception Seminary in South Orange, N.J., and former vocation director for the Archdiocese of Newark. "They may have some of the trappings of the church, but what they are doing is not endorsed or blessed by the church."

There are estimated to be thousands of priests in the country who have resigned to marry. Those who continue to minister are not a cohesive group, but they are loosely characterized as having renegade attitudes toward church rules. Many will marry divorced Catholics without annulments, for example, or speak liberally about birth control and homosexuality.

In doing so, the priests and those who turn to them have drawn the ire of more traditional Catholics and the disapproval of church authorities.

William Donohue, the president of the Catholic League for Civil and Religious Rights, said: "Unless a priest is recognized, he would have as much authority as someone in an asylum who thought he was the pope. When people want to dissent, I say, `If you don't like Macy's, go to Lord & Taylor.' They might be peculiar, but these are the house rules."

The house rules did not seem to make much sense to Joe and Stephanie DiMaulo, but their identities as Catholics were strong enough for them to reject the notion of being married by a minister from another denomination. The same was true for Karen Kucharski and Robert Celano of Colonia, N.J. They chose to be wed by a married priest in March because Ms. Kucharski did not yet have an annulment.

"I found rentapriest.com," she said, "and when I told people about it, they said, `You're not serious.' But I was. I was a little turned off by the name, but it was reputable."

Although more than 70 percent of Catholics approve of priests being married, according to two studies cited by the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate at Georgetown University, the decision to turn to a married priest outside the church is not easy for many of them.

Anna, an employment counselor from Queens who gave her views on the condition that her last name not be used, chose someone from Rent a Priest for her wedding, but is still concerned about how her family views her marriage. "Both of us had been raised by devout Catholic mothers," she said of herself and her husband. "Whereas I agree with some of the principles of my Catholic upbringing, I no longer accept all of the dogma and doctrine."

Rent a Priest was a compromise . It offered the trappings of Catholicism, which pleased her family, while allowing her to dissent.

Ms. Haggett said she started the Web site after researching the number of priests who were leaving the church and why.

"I was encouraging them to take the chalices out of the closets," she said. In 1992, she founded C.I.T.I. Ministries, for Celibacy Is the Issue, a nonprofit group that advocates on behalf of married priests, and began forming the database that later became rentapriest.com. Three years later, she left her job as a manufacturing sales representative to devote herself full time to the organization.

The stigma associated with leaving the priesthood for marriage is unpleasant enough that several men who were interviewed for this article insisted that their full names not be used. (Father George, who married the DiMaulos, made such a request.)

If any one man can be seen as the theological shepherd of married priests, it is Anthony T. Padovano, a professor in Morris Plains, N.J., who was ordained in 1959 and spent more than 15 years training men to be priests. He decided to leave the church to be married 26 years ago. Since then, he has written profusely about theology and celibacy, his work constituting what some former parish priests call their "unofficial charter."

Dr. Padovano, who is not on the Web site but gets referrals from Mrs. Haggett, married Mr. Celano and Ms. Kucharski. Dr. Padovano, 66, is highly sought for religious and speaking engagements. He is also a past president of Corpus, the National Association for a Married Priesthood. There are 3,000 members today, and Dr. Padovano estimates that since 1970, 23,000 priests have resigned to be married nationwide.

Although many of the ordained men who are married now do not think they will see changes in their lifetimes, they are loath to lose faith. And for some who participate on the Web site, the connection gives them a sense of satisfaction.

Michael Callahan, whom Rent a Priest lists for East Northport, N.Y., agreed. "The concept is new and great," he said. "I'm not crazy about the name, though."